Just Sara

So where've I been? I've been putting off blogging until my back was healed and I could share my miraculous recovery and my new found appreciation for my restored physical health. Unfortunately, I'm still in pain. I'm not healed, and I'm getting cranky....I have days where I feel better and you can see me walking with barely a limp. Then there's days like today where I had to stop eating dinner multiple times to lay on the floor of the kitchen to stop the burning in my leg. This has been a very humbling experience. I have been forced to do less than I am accustomed to. I have to count on others around me to do some of the jobs that I've always done myself. I am so limited physically that while teaching yoga, I can't even touch my own toes! Again, cranky....

This has really opened my eyes as to how I feel about myself. Where do I place my self-value. I have a history of acting like a human-doing rather than a human-being. Placing value on the things that I do rather than the person that I am. I struggle with the question, "How do I feel about Sara?" Now, I don't sit around (or lay around) thinking about myself constantly. I'm far too busy (thank goodness) and not as self-absorbed as that, yet when I try to do something and find out that I can't, it's a blow to the ego. It's so much easier to go about life effortlessly moving, not having to worry about how you're going to get in and out of the car, or whether or not you can carry that sleeping child into the house. When I can just move around unhindered, I don't have to think about it. However, when the simple act of driving can bring me to tears, I'm caught up in my own head. Truly in the moment. I don't always love the moment.

I get beat down and wonder if I'll ever feel like myself again. What if this is my new normal? Then there are moments of peace where the pain dissipates and I sigh in relief and remember sweet normalcy. I am filled with a gratitude that I haven't felt in a long time. I truly hope that my family and I are learning through this experience. As painful as it is, I know that God works through painful periods in my life. I know for a fact that I will not take physical health for granted after this. I hope that my kids will learn perseverance and humbleness by watching how I deal with this. I pray that I can act with grace (at least in front of the kids!) until this ordeal passes. I also hope that the next time I blog, it'll be soon, and I'll be pain free.